July 14th, 2008

I hate you kind of people. I used to be one of you. Speeding down the highway like you own it. Glaring at people who are going 5 or 10mph over the speed limit because they're in your way. Don't you know how dangerous it is? Don't you know you aren't getting anywhere any faster?

Maybe you like to feel how fast your minivan goes.

I understand, it feels great to speed. I get that. I was like that. I got my license at 18. In the next two years, I had been pulled over 6 times, gotten 4 tickets and had to take an "Alive at 25" class. Don't think that if you're over 25, you're home free. They have an "Alive at 50" class too. I saw people being sentenced to that horrible fate when I learned I had to take my class. That's ok, though, because I didn't get any points off my license.

I've been pulled over twice on the highway. It was rough. I was driving quick, listening to great music, enjoying my quick 1987 Acura Integra. Wind in my hair. Every time I've been pulled over, I was going 10 to 20 over the speed limit. I've changed my ways. I cheat sometimes, I know, I'm not perfect... but I try to stay only 5mph over or less. I try to be good.

When the highway changes from 75mph to 60mph then to 55mph, it does not mean continue going 75mph. It does not even mean speed up! It means slow down. I try to do that. Yeah, sometimes it's hard to do. I went into the left lane. That means I'm going slow. Don't come up on my ass and moved from side to side. Don't raise your hands up in frustration. Don't even go around me. That pisses me off too. Slow down.

When and if you do go around me, don't speed up to 100mph just to show me how fast that white 1999 minivan of yours goes. You have kids in the car, seriously. Not only is it unsafe, can you imagine how much they will make fun of you for getting pulled over?

And then there's the look the driver gives you. I do it too. But I give it to people who are going 30mph in a 45 zone. That's just crazy. No, don't give me that glare when you're passing me at 100mph like I'm hindering your progress down the road. I'm sorry for going the speed limit. Wait, I'm not. You're a dumbass. Keep your freakin' eyes on the road. Sorry for the harsh words. I want to be nice to you.

You drive quick, whatever works for you. Minivans rarely get pulled over. It just amazes me how many soccer moms speed in those cars. Amazing.