July 29th, 2008

I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore! I came to college thinking I wanted a career in the military. That changed fairly quickly... now I just want to do my time and finish it up. I don't even know if I want to go active Army, I'll probably do reserves if I can.

But if I do reserves, I don't know what I'll do! If I'm not active reserves, what would I do with that extra time? I want to get my master's, but I don't know if we can afford that. And I especially don't want to end up in a dead end job. I don't want to work these part time jobs anymore once I'm done with college.

I've always said I wanted to be a writer, but I just can't seem to get the drive to do it. I love writing, don't get me wrong. But I just can't get started. My mind starts thinking of my stories, and how I don't have the same confidence in them as I once had. I know they're great and people will want to hear them. But what if they don't?

I was thinking of maybe being a teacher. After working day camp, I enjoy it alot. Of course, I'd want to teach high school, not elementary. I think I could do that though. And have the summers and breaks off to be with my kids would be pretty awesome.

I want to start a family in a few years with Brandon. He wants me to stay at home with the kids, and probably forever. That kind of bothers me. I know I want to stay at home for the first couple years, but I don't want to be a stay at home mom and wife for the rest of my life. Unless, of course, I work on my writing more. Then I won't have an office, I'll work from home!

Oh, I don't know what to do anymore...